IN-LAWS - DO I HEAR YOU PUKING?

Please be reclining in your most easy chair because this is the Epistle of Saint Julia - 1st Chapter - many verses.

Holidays are here and I can almost hear some of the “in-law” gripes. I don’t understand something - we often have blood relatives that treat us horrible; much worse than our in-laws and not much is said. Let the in-law cross her eyes and she’s dead meat! I’ve been a daughter-in-law (DIL) for nigh on to 44 years; been a mother-in-law (MIL) for 18+ years. What I can tell you is that MIL is an abbreviation for MILITARY…..does that tell you anything? Maybe we should listen to our MIL……..just a thought. Through my years as a DIL, I found that I had to work at this relationship - I needed to listen to my MIL and try to know her and above all to respect her. Now, I know that Mama (MIL) loves me very much; don’t know if it’s because she can’t remember squat, and calls me her granddaughter, or if I finally made the grade - but this I do know - I love her very much.

I have a book that I have read twice - you got it right - 2 times. The name of the book is - “The Mother-in-Law Dance”. I heard Annie Chapman on the radio and she was talking about this book and her feelings of in-laws. I was so impressed that I also ordered a copy for each of my girls. A lot of what I’m telling you is a direct quote from her book.

One of my favorite books in the bible is Ruth and the story of how Ruth follows Naomi, saying (Ch 1 - vs. 16 - ‘for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people SHALL be my people, and thy God my God.’ I long and pray that I could somehow have a portion of Naomi’s spirit in my soul. What a woman. Proverbs 18, vs. 21 reads ‘Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.’ We need to constantly guard our tongue. Because I love my MIL and my DIL’s, I may bite my tongue often enough that it bleeds; but I truly do not want to hurt them. Have you ever felt like this - “I want to punch out their lights and kick in their tailgate”? If so, please don’t! If they are hurting you, it is really not them, but the spirit in them. Sometimes they are really not TRYING to hurt you, but help you and we often do not take it that way. Or we read things into conversations that are simply not there. James Ch 1, vs. 19: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man (woman) be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: (20) For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” Are you rude to your MIL-DIL - do you truly show respect? If we claim to be a Christian we certainly need to show respect, kindness and love. In ‘The Mother-in-Law Dance (MILD) she has suggestions from DIL for their MIL - *pray for the young couple *respect your DIL’s different way of doing things *let them live their own lives. Suggestions from MIL for the DIL - *pay attention to your own marriage. Don’t get so involved with everyone and everything else that you forget your husband *don’t compare your MIL to your mother. Appreciate both of them and their differences. Just because they may do things differently doesn’t mean one is right and the other one is wrong.

From the MILD - A mature DIL will recognize the inherent challenge her MIL faces and offer patient understanding as she learns to let go. Without question, both women have adjustments that must be made. The DIL is learning to be a wife to her husband, and the MIL is learning how to “unmother” her son.

In a paragraph “Who is the Leader? Without question, the leader in this waltz should be the MIL. She is the one who lets go and lovingly releases her son and his wife to establish their own lives and routine. Another section states: ‘However, when the son marries, the mom has to let him go completely. In a real sense, she loses her son.’ As long as I know without a doubt that my DIL really loves my son, I am going to try to dance away; BUT let me tell you IF I see the DIL treating my son with ugly words, or actions - a HOLY anger rises up in me.

MILD - Matthew 7:12; “Therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” HOW DO WE WANT TO BE TREATED? If you are ugly, disrespectful, rude - whatever to your in-law, remember that payday comes; and not always on Friday! You reap what you sow.

Another section: ’How does the DIL relate to the spiritual position given to the MIL? Just as the son is instructed to HONOR and RESPECT his parents, it is equally important for the DIL to do the same. (And, of course, the husband is to treat his wife’s parents with equal respect.) ’ Another sentence: Not only are we to honor our MIL even as we should honor our own mothers, but there is an additional responsibility if both the MIL and the DIL are Christians. In Titus 2, younger women are to show respect and honor for the older women in the church. When we fully embrace the scriptural mandate of respecting and honoring our MIL, we are truly building a bridge across the chasm of our differences. ‘ This is another portion of a chapter: ‘When love flows from treating one another kindly, then it only gets stronger and sweeter over time.’ Another quote: ‘An individual can do all the praying in the world, but if the other person refuses to listen to God, then the fact must be faced that there is a limit to what can be done to reach her heart.’ We can also truly love the in-law, but if they don't return the love, just keep praying.

Sometimes you may hear women talk about ALL the things bought for her family - but the in-laws have received nothing. I believe if you CHOOSE to do this, that is fine; but please do not throw it in the face of the in-law. I made a habit of spending the same amount for all holidays, for my Aunt (she raised me from a baby), for my birth mother, and my MIL. I did not want one to ever feel slighted and feel that I didn’t love them. Now that we have a family, I spend the same amount for each child, and then the same amount for each grandchild. There may be times that I pick up something for one of them; but later I’ll find something for one of the others and on it goes! Christmas and birthdays - it’s the same amount for each.

If you go to your in-laws and you don’t care for the food you are served, please do not complain. Keep your mouth SHUT. You could fix something you like or take it with you when you go to their home. HELP your DIL-MIL while in their home - don’t lay around and do nothing - HELP! You remember your MIL is not as young as you are and she may have health problems that you know nothing about. HELP - don’t just sit on the backside of your stomach and do nothing. If you can’t for some reason help with cooking, do the clean-up; wash dishes, for pete’s sake - do something!

Most of all - IF you have MIL-DIL heartache, I urge you to purchase this book by Annie Chapman. Don’t mean to preach, but for some time I’ve felt that I was to do this blog. I am not a journalist, so please overlook any mistake. I’m truly thankful for my “girls” and my MIL.

God bless each of you - I love my family and my precious BLOGGER DIAMONDS!